Do you repeatedly say I’m sorry apologizing for everything that happens? Do you take ownership of everything that happens as if it were your fault? Why? Saying I’m sorry should be reserved for when you feel regret for your actions and for expressions of sympathy. It should not be for someone’s response to what you said or did. I have heard this repeated several times over the last week and know that I take on way more responsibility than I should for other people’s responses. I know several people who say I’m sorry way more than they should. They don’t realize that everything that happens is not their fault. So, I challenge you to see all the good in yourself and stop overusing the phrase “I’m sorry”. See how interwoven we all are in the events of life. What you do is necessary for something else to occur. Remember, no event is either good or bad. It is just a catalyst for something else to transpire.
When I was learning to actively listen for conflict resolution, the coach said to repeat what the person said, but do not say you are sorry. This was really tough because when someone is complaining about something I did my first response is to apologize. Here’s the catch, their response was their choice, not my intent. Now if I was intentionally trying to make them mad, I should confess, but most often people have baggage they are carrying around and their response is more related to their history than what you said or did. So if someone is complaining about your actions, acknowledge their feelings, and show understanding, but do not take the blame for their perception.
I was just reading a new book and the very first chapter title was “It’s not your fault”. How perfect. The author discussed how he constantly wanted to please his mother who always seemed mad at the world. He thought he could make her happy through his actions, but felt he was failing because she didn’t change. Then he realized, it was not his fault. Her mood was her choice. How often has a friend, family member, or significant other been in a bad mood and you get angry back? This is a response to taking the blame for their bad mood. You feel guilty that they are upset. You automatically assume that they are mad at you when really they could just be upset at the world or their own inner turmoil. I’m guilty of this with my husband without even knowing it. When he got crabby, I took full responsibility and offense to his crabbiness as if he weren’t appreciating all the things that I did to make him happy. He did the same thing to me and it was a battle of dodge ball to avoid each other’s strikes. Once we stopped taking ownership of each other’s mood and just showed love and understanding, things shifted.
Constantly saying you are sorry is believing that you have sinned. The old age of religion focused on punishment and forgiveness. It was sin based. Do good or you are going to Hell. My whole life I have feared getting in trouble. I lived with so much guilt, shame, and fear that I would offend or hurt someone. I didn’t believe that I was truly a good person. It wasn’t until I found A Course in Miracles that I realized this was not the truth! God doesn’t punish or choose favorites. God is love. End of story. Heaven is not a place I earn admission to through good deeds. We all have the right passage to Heaven if we choose to create our reality around the belief that we are in Heaven.
Seeing the beauty and good inside myself has been a lifelong process. Maybe it was in my DNA and I am presently re-writing the history in my DNA. Who knows where it originated, but this is where it will end. My life path has led me more and more to embrace a new, healthier, and more positive way of being.
Last year I took my first of many Kundalini Yoga classes. Kundalini yoga stems from the belief that there is a divine light inside of each of us of purity and love. We must go within to bring this out and increase our vibration to a higher frequency. It is about seeking the truth of who you are through the eyes of the divine. Each class begins and ends with the words Sat Nam. Sat means the truth and Nam means together. The phrase as a whole means I am the truth. When we all live in the truth rather than hiding behind our fears, we are one.
Click here to watch an interview with Tammy Reed about What is Kundalini Yoga.
Can you, too, see the truth that you are amazing and all you do is necessary for the next thing to happen? I challenge you to live in God’s love that does not have to be earned through repentance, but rather by simply loving. Let go of guilt. Let go of shame. Let go of feeling less than others. Let go of thinking that you are sinful. Let go of feeling as if you have to earn love. Let go of saying I’m sorry when it is not necessary. See yourself as a catalyst for God’s plan and spreading love. That is the truth.
Sat Nam my fellow voyager along your path to HEAL.
Voyage to HEAL Weekly Task
Stretch: We are going to move and create new patterns believing that we are pure love. Stretch the shoulders in a rotational pattern to free yourself of restricted beliefs. Then stretch the hamstrings while holding a yoga mudra to expand your truth.
Exercise: Do 8 squats activating your core 3x/day.
Habitual change: Become aware of how frequently you apologize for things. Stop doing this. Live in the light, not the belief that you are guilty.
Perspective Enlightenment: I allow my truth to expand. I am the love and light of God.
This week’s blog post coincides with the back stretches week #3 of the Voyage to HEAL: Vows of Armor. Please listen to the progressive muscle relaxation meditation that coincides with this chapter.
Godspeed on your Voyage to HEAL