The 3rd necessity we need is love and belonging according to Maslov’s hierarchy of needs. Finally, love and belonging. All our basic needs are met of food, water, shelter, sleep, clothing, and reproduction (which should have a base in love…hopefully, or someone may just be necessary to create a life that will change the world. That was the case for Oprah Winfrey’s mom who conceived Oprah on a one time encounter.) Moving forward, once the safety needs are met of personal security, employment, resources, health, and property, then our heart is ready to create partnerships on various levels. These partnerships will have richness because the basis will be in love, not meeting our basic needs because these are already provided for. Once we are provided for and feel safe, we can let our guards down and connect with people authentically without a subconscious hidden agenda. Think of the friendships you already have that allow you to be yourself. You do not have to earn or work for someone’s love or friendship. That is an authentic relationship based in love.
If we compare Maslov’s hierarchy with the Chakras, the first chakra is about feeling safe and provided for. The second is about the flow of creativity. The third is about confidence to express ourselves and the fourth chakra is about giving and receiving love. How odd that connecting with others, feeling a sense of belonging, and receiving love is not at the very core of our need to exist. Why is this! Doesn’t love make the world go round?
The answer is yes, but if we are not well grounded and our physicological needs are not provided for in a sense that we are safe, our choices of friends and lovers may be ill-directed to meet our basic needs rather than creating a bond between two people that is based on bringing out the best in each other. In Alan Cohen’s book “The Tao made Easy”, he comments that in the Tao marriage is described to have 3 purposes. One is for safety, the other is for financial purposes, and the third is for love. If the first to tiers of Maslov’s hierarchy are not met, then you will fall into the illusion of love as a purpose that may have to be earned.
When I was a child, I wanted someone to either keep me safe or share their toys. That is why they were my friends. As I aged, I wanted to be accepted and in retrospect fell into peer pressure so that I would be accepted. These are not good scenarios for making friends or meeting “the one”. Fortunately, the older I got and the more I felt secure in my own body, I realized that friends and significant others should be a positive addition to my life. They were not needed to complete me, to provide for me, or to keep me safe, but rather to connect with and enhance the experiences I have in my life.
So this week, focus on the spiritual, richness of the relationships in your life. How do you connect with people in your life? Who enriches your life?
Voyage to HEAL Weekly Focus
Stretch: Let’s tap into that solar plexus, our confidence center to ensure that we know we are worthy of love. We do this by breathing deeply or releasing the diaphragm muscle as shown below. Do not do this if you have a hiatal hernia or are at risk for an aortic aneurysm. Never force! Use a cut-up pool noodle, your own fingertips, or a releaser ball to go gently into the space below the ribcage called the diaphragm. Lean into this space. This is the home of the solar plexus. Breath, you can do this!
Exercise: Let’s go back to a good deep breath in for 4 seconds, hold for 5, exhale for 6
Here is a simple video on how to breath using your diaphragm.
Habitual change: Drop your shoulders and by all means do not use them for breathing!
Perspective Enlightenment: As you stretch and breath say to yourself, “I am worthy of love. I do not have to earn it. I can just receive it”.
For a more in-depth focus on this these and area of your body, you may want to revisit week 1 and 4 of the Voyage to HEAL. You may also purchase the Diaphragmatic breathing chapter in the store by Clicking Here.
Godspeed on your Voyage to HEAL